Changing unhealthy coping skills is not easy and takes a lot of time and effort; we all can benefit from tried and true methods that have helped others.
One such method from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is creating a Pros and Cons List. But this isn’t just any list; rather, it’s a unique tool that validates why we used an unhealthy coping mechanism in the first place, while also empowering you to make healthier choices.
Understanding the DBT Pros and Cons List
For example, let’s imagine you want to stop comparing yourself to your social media contacts. To effectively use the DBT Pros and Cons List, you need to first acknowledge the “Pros” of the behavior.
In this case, the Pros of comparing yourself on social media might be:
- A short distraction from whatever problem you’re currently facing in your own life
- Someone to displace your uncomfortable feelings onto
- A brief sense of relief
However, the Cons of comparing yourself on social media are:
- Not addressing your original concern in your own life
- Ultimately feeling worse about yourself
Now, let’s look at the “Pros” and “Cons” of choosing not to engage in the unhealthy behavior.
The Pros of not comparing yourself on social media could include:
- Having time and space to do something positive and healthy for yourself (whatever that may be – work on your resume, share how you’re feeling with a friend, do a mindfulness exercise, etc.)
- A more stable sense of self-worth and internal peace
The Cons of not comparing yourself on social media might be:
- Having to tolerate uncomfortable emotions that you don’t want to feel, whatever they may be (inadequacy, fear, loneliness, etc.)
Implementing Your Own DBT Pros and Cons List
DBT suggests that you write down your own individualized Pros and Cons list and keep it with you for easy access as a powerful reminder of why you want to make changes in your life. Write it down and keep it readily accessible. Remember, urges can be common and powerful, and it’s our job to validate them and choose a different action.
