It is part of human nature to adapt to our environments or the circumstances within. If not, we consciously resist and reject these circumstances by becoming more vocal or setting boundaries towards changing our situation – or our nervous system unconsciously communicates to us emotionally or physiologically that something does not feel safe or secure.
In adulthood, we can more consciously change our circumstances as this oftentimes comes with having more autonomy and more developed brains based on more information or lived experiences. However, as children, we have limited autonomy or capacity to change our environment or circumstances. More precisely, we rarely choose our caregivers or the adults in our lives. Our childhood environments are our worlds and we either adapt for survival or we are left to fend for ourselves with limited skills, resources, or knowledge. As our brains are still developing, not only does human nature take over and guide us towards available options to adapt to the setting we are in, but this same nature recognizes that our survival depends on these caregivers or adults. Unfortunately for many, this means navigating traumatic environments or events.
With survival being the primary focus, particularly in traumatic circumstances, we learn or create adaptive behaviors to make it through – some healthy and some unhealthy. While these behaviors or patterns were often cultivated during childhood and can seem to be helpful in the moment even if detrimental long term, they often follow us into adulthood as they provide a blueprint or template for how to interact with the world and our environments. For those behaviors that were healthy (ex. utilizing mindfulness, effective communication skills, embracing conflict, seeking out and leaning on secure support, practicing self-care, exercising, managing time), this provides an excellent starting point and advantage as the behaviors can smoothly translate into adulthood. For those that were unhealthy, however, (ex. exhibited perfectionism, procrastination, conflict avoidance, relationship disruptors, substance use, self-harm), these are often the moments where day-to-day challenges are experienced throughout various areas of life. Terry Real sums it up nicely by describing these moments as “adaptive then, maladaptive now.” When these unhealthy behaviors or patterns are called upon and are ineffective, this can create frustration, blaming, confusion, self-doubt, and disappointment among other emotions, and lead to various mental health challenges. For example, a situation or set of circumstances may make us feel like we are ten years old and thus set into motion the adaptive behaviors of that age.
This is when seeking out professional support can be a helpful and effective route. Not only can a professional help you to identify those behaviors which are or were adaptive and maladaptive, but they can also help you analyze and build insight on how these behaviors supported you before but create challenges now. Together with a professional, you can begin to “unblend” these behaviors from the circumstances while reinforcing those adaptive behaviors which are still healthy. You will also learn new coping mechanisms, skills, or strategies in place of those which are now maladaptive. Terry Real identifies this transformation as moving from your “Adaptive Child,” which responds to past psychological, emotional, or physical wounds with automatic and engrained learned behaviors, and your “Wise Adult,” which responds to the present moment with clarity, compassion to self and others, and choice.
For those who have challenges with relationships, impulse control, recurring work conflicts, substance use, or avoidance of tasks or responsibilities, it is possible that maladaptive behaviors are the underlying cause and professional support may help dismantle these patterns and assist in re-learning or re-discovering effective strategies.
For additional support in identifying whether we are communicating from our own “adaptive child” or “wise adult” or speaking to another’s, please see the graphic below created by Terry Real:
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References:
- Terry Real’s (2022) “Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship”
- https://www.chateaurecovery.com/unraveling-the-threads-of-our-past-understanding-and-transforming-maladaptive-behaviors
- https://www.healthline.com/health/maladaptive-behavior
